How the Hell Did I End Up Selling Scentsy?

I build decks.

That's what I do.

I work with lumber, concrete, screws, nails, and whatever other shit somebody needs put together or torn apart.

Most days I come home smelling like sawdust, sweat, and whatever I stepped in on the job site.

And somehow, I've ended up selling Scentsy.

Don't ask me how the hell that happened.

Well, actually, I guess I can tell ya.

It started with me thinking maybe I oughta find something to make the house smell a little better.

Simple enough, right?

Next thing I know, I'm looking at warmers, wax bars, laundry shit, body wash, and about 400 different things that smell like somebody's grandma just baked a pie.

And apparently, I'm now a Scentsy consultant.

Jesus Christ.

Grandma Would've Gotten a Kick Outta This

My grandma Arlene used to go to them home parties years ago.

You remember those?

Somebody would invite a bunch of women over to their house. There'd be coffee, cookies, maybe some little sandwiches with the crust cut off.

Then somebody would start pulling shit out of a bag.

Candles. Kitchen stuff. Makeup. Plastic containers that cost more than the food you were gonna put in 'em.

Grandma would come home with a bag full of stuff, and I'd ask her what she bought.

"Oh, just a few things."

A few things, my ass.

She'd spend the next 20 minutes showing me every damn thing in that bag.

And half the time, she didn't even need any of it.

But she had a good time. Got out of the house. Saw her friends. Had some coffee. Bought herself something.

Nothing wrong with that.

I never thought much about those parties back then.

Sure as hell never thought I'd be the one selling anything at one.

Apparently, You Don't Even Have to Put on Pants Anymore

So I've been poking around this Scentsy business, trying to figure out what the hell I've gotten myself into.

And I discovered something.

People can apparently throw these parties online now.

Nobody's gotta clean their house.

Nobody's gotta make sandwiches.

Nobody's gotta invite 15 people into their living room and pretend they aren't wondering when everybody's gonna leave.

From what I understand, somebody hosts a little online shopping party, shares a link with their friends, and everybody can look around and order whatever they want.

The stuff gets shipped directly to the people who ordered it.

And depending on how much everybody buys, the person hosting can earn free products or discounts.

Hell, that doesn't sound too bad.

I can sit here in my underwear drinking coffee while somebody else has a party.

That's the kind of business arrangement I can get behind.

Now, I ain't saying I've got all this figured out yet.

I'm still learning.

But I am starting to understand why Grandma liked this shit.

Here's Where I Need Some Help

I'm gonna tell y'all something.

I don't know what half these damn scents are supposed to smell like.

I know what coffee smells like.

I know what fresh-cut lumber smells like.

I know what a campfire smells like.

And I know what a man smells like after working outside all day in August.

Some of these other ones?

Hell if I know.

I was looking through the catalog and realized there are more choices in there than I know what to do with.

So I'm gonna ask y'all a favor.

If you're one of them Scentsy people who knows what they're doing, go look through my shop and tell me what you'd recommend.

What do you use in your house?

What smells good without making the whole damn place smell like somebody dumped a bottle of perfume in the air conditioner?

And if you've ever hosted one of these online parties, I'd be interested in hearing how it went.

I'm curious whether it's something I oughta start doing with some of y'all.

Here's my shop if you wanna poke around:

Smell Like a Man — Joe's Scentsy Shop

You don't gotta buy anything. I'm just trying to learn what people like.

And if you see something in there that smells like a fishing cabin, fresh lumber, and a pot of coffee, let me know.

I'll take six.

— Joe